418 Days Later…
When May 24, 2023 rolled around and I checked my computer at 7am, I thought I had made it. I was safe from yet another round of the Facebook hunger games. Then 7:10am, no message of doom. 7:14am, still nothing. I was mid-exhale when my email pinged at 7:24am, telling me I was laid off. To say I was shocked wouldn’t completely be the truth. Nothing shocks me anymore when it comes to Corporate America. You could code tomorrow and your job is going to pass around that dry ass Hallmark card to the team and then divvy your workload to the rest of your pod. Money rarely makes time for morals in this arena and the sooner you make peace with that the better. Looking back I realize grossly underestimated how quickly I would get over the disappointment- mainly because I didn’t allow myself to feel anything. Like, let me be clear, by the time I wrapped my head around the fact that after giving three years of backbreaking effort to my team I had been given the boot… I was already locked out of the internal system. If Facebook wasn’t about to be emotional why the hell was I?
To be honest, summer was just around the corner and I had saved enough pocket change, so I didn’t need to work. I was in the process of moving to Philadelphia and embarking on my grad school career, so I had more to be excited for, than to worry about the “why” it all happened. The way I see it, it all came down to alignment. As much as I loved CX, my creative team, I still couldn’t rid myself of the gnawing feeling that I wasn’t fully walking in my purpose. While I was finally working on creative I felt passionate about, there was no full control. I still had to sit in countless meetings where people ogled metrics to death, and battled over whether the logo should be within the first three seconds of the ad or not. Are you kidding me? I knew I could be doing more, that I should be doing more, but I found myself getting comfortable with playing a part that would surely keep me financially stable, even if it meant I was creatively confined.
Now, I look back and even though emotions rush through me given the day of the week, or which bill I just had to juggle, I feel happy. The way in which my creativity has been able to flourish is a testament to walking in purpose over clout. My brand Joi Has Questions is growing and thriving and I am on track to secure my MFA, Creative Writing degree. Faith and consistency is what I told the universe I wanted for 2024, and while I may have presumed that would come with the finances to continue to stack up on my Brandon Blackwood addiction- alas I have had to make due with the babies I have. But, when it comes to fulfillment and feeling like I have flung my arms open into the expanse, to collect all the things I am owed and deserve… ya’ girl is out here winning! And when it’s all said and done, no company was ever going to give that to me. This season has reminded me that I am responsible to do that for myself.
JHQ
